Memento Mori: Why Thinking About Death Makes Life Better
Learn how accepting death can transform your daily life, help you make better choices, and lead to a more meaningful existence.
Two years ago, my old friend Tom died in a car accident. He was 25 years old. One moment he was driving home from work, probably thinking about his weekend plans, and the next moment he was gone. No warning. No goodbye. Just like that.
As I sat at his funeral, surrounded by people who couldn't believe this was real, something hit me hard: At 25, we all think we're invincible. We scroll through social media, waste time on random YouTube videos, and put off our dreams because we believe we have all the time in the world. We think death is something that happens to old people, not to us, not to our friends.
But Tom's death shattered that illusion. Just days before, we were texting about meeting up soon—something we'd been "planning" to do for months but kept putting off because we thought there would always be time later. Now there would be no later.
This brings us to today's topic: Memento Mori - the ancient Stoic practice of remembering death. Before you click away thinking this is too dark or depressing, stay with me. This might be the most important thing you'll read this month.
Why We Run From Death
Think about the last time you thought about death. Did you quickly push the thought away? Did you distract yourself with your phone, TV, or work? That's what most of us do. We live in a world that's built on avoiding death. We buy anti-aging creams, we hide our elderly in nursing homes, we use words like "passed away" because we're afraid to say "died."
I get it. For years, I did the same thing. I lived like I had unlimited time. I put off calling my parents because "I'll do it tomorrow." I stayed in a comfort zone because "there's always time to change later." I delayed traveling because "I'll do it when I have more money."
But here's the truth: running from death doesn't make life better - it makes it smaller.
How Death Awareness Changes Everything
After Tom's funeral, I started doing something different. Following the wisdom of ancient Stoic philosophers, every morning, I began to remind myself that this day might be my last consciously. Not in a scary or morbid way, but as a wake-up call to live fully.
As the Stoic philosopher Seneca taught, here's what happens when you stop running from death and start using it as your advisor:
First, you start seeing time differently. Instead of endless scrolling on social media, you find yourself wanting to have real conversations with people. Instead of watching another Netflix series, you might pick up that guitar you always wanted to learn.
Second, your priorities become crystal clear. When you really understand that your time is limited, you stop doing things just to please others. You start saying no to things that don't matter and yes to things that do.
Third, and this might surprise you - you start enjoying life more. The sunset becomes more beautiful when you don't take it for granted. Your morning coffee tastes better when you remember it's not an infinite resource. Hugs become more meaningful when you know they're not guaranteed.
Making Death Your Advisor
Let me share a simple practice that Stoic philosophers have used for centuries: The Morning Question.
Each morning, ask yourself: "If this was my last day, would I be proud of how I'm planning to spend it?"
This isn't about dramatic changes or quitting your job tomorrow. It's about small, daily choices that add up to a life well-lived. Maybe it means: Telling your family you love them before leaving for work. Actually listening when your friend talks about their problems. Starting that project you've been dreaming about, even if it's just for 15 minutes a day. Making that doctor's appointment you've been putting off.
Remember my friend Tom? He didn't know when his last day would come, but he lived in a way that left no room for regrets. He didn't have a perfect life - none of us do - but he had an authentic one.
From Awareness to Action
The key is to turn this awareness into action. Not next year, not next month, not tomorrow. Today.
Think about the conversations you've been putting off. The dreams you've been postponing. The relationships you've been neglecting. Now is the time to act on them.
Start with something small but meaningful. Send that text you've been meaning to send. Book that appointment you've been avoiding. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Take the first step toward that goal you've been dreaming about.
The Science Behind Death Awareness
Modern research continues to validate what ancient Stoic philosophers understood about death awareness and how it affects human behavior and decision-making. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who regularly contemplated their mortality reported:
Higher levels of gratitude
Stronger appreciation for life
Better perspective on daily challenges
Increased motivation to pursue meaningful goals
Deeper connections with others
Another study from the University of Missouri supports this, showing that death awareness can heighten the perceived value of life. Participants who engaged in death reflection reported increased life appreciation, which led to more meaningful connections and goal-oriented behavior.
The Psychological Shift
When you start practicing death awareness mindfully, remarkable changes occur. Research from Harvard Medical School shows that contemplating mortality can lead to:
Enhanced Decision-Making
Better ability to distinguish between important and trivial matters
Increased courage to make necessary life changes
Improved long-term planning abilities
Greater alignment between values and actions
Psychological Benefits
Reduced anxiety about minor problems
Increased present-moment awareness
Better stress management
Enhanced appreciation for daily experiences
Behavioral Changes
More meaningful use of time
Stronger focus on relationship building
Increased goal-oriented behavior
Better health choices
Practical Strategies for Implementing Memento Mori
1. The Five-Year Question (A Classic Stoic Exercise)
Ask yourself: "Will this matter in five years?" This simple question, backed by decision-making research, helps filter out trivial concerns and focus on what truly matters.
2. Daily Meditation Practice (As the Stoics Practiced)
Research shows that a 10-minute daily meditation on mortality can significantly improve life satisfaction. Here's a simple approach:
Find a quiet space
Close your eyes
Imagine this is your last day
Notice what immediately comes to mind as important
Open your eyes and write down your insights
3. The Legacy Journal (A Modern Application of Stoic Principles)
Keep a weekly journal addressing these questions:
What would I want to be remembered for?
What contributions am I making?
What relationships need attention?
What dreams am I postponing?
4. The Morning Reminder (Ancient Stoic Wisdom for Modern Life)
Studies in behavioral psychology show that morning routines set the tone for the entire day. Try this:
Each morning, take 30 seconds
Remember that this day is a gift
Set one important intention
Act on it immediately
The Science of Time Perception
Recent neuroscience research reveals that our brain's perception of time isn't fixed. When we live mindfully, aware of our mortality:
Time feels more abundant
Experiences feel richer
Memories become clearer
Life feels more meaningful
📝 Today’s Stoic Gameplan
Morning Reminder: Begin with a brief moment of reflection. Ask yourself, "If today were my last, would I be content with how I'm choosing to live it?" Set one meaningful intention based on this.
Focus on What Matters: Throughout the day, use Tom's memory as a guide to prioritize what's truly meaningful. Skip mindless scrolling or trivial distractions and engage in activities that resonate with your core values.
The Five-Year Question: When faced with decisions, pause and ask, "Will this matter in five years?" Let this question guide you toward choices that bring long-term satisfaction.
Legacy Connection: Before bed, write down one small step you took today that aligned with how you'd want to be remembered. Embrace the impact of these daily choices on your life’s bigger picture.
Gratitude Practice: Close the day by acknowledging three things you’re grateful for, cultivating a deeper appreciation for the present moment.
Here's what I've learned since losing Tom: The best way to honor those we've lost is to live fully while we can. Not next year. Not when we're ready. Now.
So today, I want you to do something. Take out your phone. Find that person you've been meaning to reach out to. Don't draft a text to send later. Don't wait for the perfect moment. Call them now. Tell them what they mean to you. Make those plans you've been putting off.
Because the truth is, we don't know if we have tomorrow. But we have right now. This moment. And in honor of Tom, and all those who ran out of tomorrows too soon, let's make it count.
Live boldly. Love openly. Forgive quickly. And never, ever save your joy for later.
In loving memory of Tom (1997-2022)
Stay stoic,
Twitter: @StoicWisdoms
Related posts:
8 Must-Read Books on Stoicism for Personal Growth
The Effects of Screen Time: Stress, FOMO, and Mental Fatigue
When Life Gives You an Opportunity, You Seize It and Make It Count
Life Does Not Always Go Our Way
Never Be Taken for Granted Again: Tips for Gaining Respect and Appreciation
Excellent post as always.
Death is the yin to life’s yang. If we all lived forever or even knew we lived until a certain age, life would be dulled. Uncertainty can be a beautiful thing when it comes to all the points you made. Living to your respective fullest, gratitude, and perspective can all be enhanced with contemplation of death.
Like any form of intentional stress, practice in this area makes what many fear/avoid more comfortable and beneficial.
“Our fears don’t stop death, they stop life.” -Rickson Gracie
Thanks again for the great post.
Such a beautiful read! Thank you.